Holy Mother! I Mean Happy Mother’s Day

By Troy Foster

Mother’s Day hits this year at the perfect time.  I know it’s the same Sunday in May – but this year – the timing has been key.  You see, my wife – mother of our four – has been gone for the whole week and returns tomorrow.  And though nothing out of the ordinary happened in the Foster Family this week, it gave me (and the kids) a renewed appreciation for Kristen on this Mother’s Day!

Missed Buses, Lost Kids, Naked Nocturnal Baby (With Waterworks), Car Accidents, Naked Barbies, Lollipop Dinners, and Seatbelts/Clothes/Baths/Names Optional

Three things.  First, I said nothing out of the ordinary happened.  That doesn’t mean that this wasn’t a highly entertaining week – especially for those on the outside looking in.  Second, you must realize that I could not write this until now – the day before Kristen returns home – for fear that she might cut her trip short.  Third, despite the heading and the words that follow, I think I did a pretty good job. 

Starting on that last point, please understand that there are few things that I’m confident about.  One, however, is that I’m a decent father.  Kids are safe (mostly), loved, and love life.  So, as we started the week, I thought this was going to be a piece of cake; I’ve done it before.  Not the first time Kristen has gone out of town.  This week was different.

The Transition

Whenever Kristen leaves (whether it is to the grocery store or out of state), all of the kids want to know “when is Mommy coming home?”  They don’t listen to the answer.  Their question isn’t a question – but more of a demand.  So, that never gets old. 

Henry is the most persistent.  “But I need to cuddle with Mommy before I go to sleep.”  He starts diplomatically, “I want you both, Daddy, but need Mommy.”  And as he grows more and more tired, his raw feelings are revealed “I don’t want you; I want Mommy.”  This, I knew from the very beginning.  But as soon as his sweet explanations turn terse, I know that he will soon fall asleep.  Before he does, like clockwork, he turns to me, puts his hand on the side of my face, rubs it softly, kisses me and says “I love you.  But I still want Mommy.”

Get Out the Vote:  Day 2

I love election days.  Always have.  So, I thought I’d share my enthusiasm with the kids.  They were not interested.  In the voting booth, Luke criticized my choices – pretty loudly.  “You think he is the best person for President?  Really?  Is he the one that left his dog on the roof or that wants to build houses on the moon?  Or is he the one that doesn’t believe in evolution?  Will you still pick him over President Obama?  Are you picking him so that President Obama will win?  I thought this didn’t even matter?”  And then, “I’m hungry.”

As I hurried to get the too-young-for-civic-duty-excitement kids to the car, my way-too-big shorts fell all the way to the ground in one fell swoop.  And as I took another step, I fell down – almost landing on Henry.  Right in front of the poll workers – you know where every candidate has someone there to represent them.  Most were nice and pretend not to see, turned and smiled.  The kids, however, were less gracious.  I got their chortling butts to the car pronto, one hand tightly gripping the side of the shorts.

Who Are These Kids?:  Day 3

Literally – not just their behavior – their names.  Who are they?  It happens to all parents, but my fatigue led to me to not only forget which one was which, but had me calling our kids by their friends’ and our dogs’ names.  At one point, I gave up “Chinese daughter, please go get your sick brother’s shoes and tell me if your African brother is still awake.”  Close enough, right?   (I didn’t really say it, but was very, very close.)

Another difference is that the kids have treated me differently than they do their mom.  After I’ve said “no” five times, they usually don’t ask again.  Something changed this week.  They were relentless.  I don’t remember doing it, but I must have given in at some point – the proverbial blood in the water the kids needed to spot their victim and attack!

Head Count:  Day 4

A big day, and failure.  Actually, a success in that the kids are all still alive.

The older two had swim lessons right after school.  So, I had arranged to pick them up – along with Henry – at the school and go from there.  Easy, right?  No.

The school forgot and put Henry on the bus.  Because he was sobbing, the bus aide called me and I was able to get him off the bus; he was still sobbing when I got there.  And then I saw Luke in the hallway.  Seemed like it was getting way too easy.  So, I grabbed him.  Two out of three. 

I was feeling so good that I didn’t want to be rude and go get Lily from heading to get picked up and cut in front of the long line of parents; so, Luke, Henry, and I went to the van and got in the line.  Only to see Lily marched out front with the Principal and her teacher.  As they looked around, I got out of line – nearly hitting a suburban that didn’t see me coming.  As I pulled up, Lily had vanished.  We got out of the car to find out that they put her on the bus home.  But, seeing me, they called the bus and it had pulled over and was waiting on me.

Things were going to pot fast.  We got in the car, and the kids were loving it.  A little too much.  Then, as I was backing up, I realized that they were giggling because – not only had I forgotten to buckle Henry in (that happens) – but I had forgotten to shut his door.  So, I opened my door, jumped out, and quickly realized – too late – that the car was still in reverse.  I chased it back, jumped in the car, and slammed on the breaks – stopping the van (with kids in tow) just inches from the parked cars in the school parking lot.  In front of – everyone.  The kids cheered me on, and Luke told me that he was glad that I was exercising because I had to move fast.

We got Lily, got them changed to swimsuits and went in.  It wasn’t until we sat down that I looked up and saw that Henry had brought in a naked Barbie.  He played with her – for a little while – and then I was relegated to holding naked Barbie.

More Nakedness and Car Trouble:  Day 5

After easily going to bed, I woke up in the middle of the night to Eli’s naked butt bouncing up and down on my head.  As I became more alert, I saw our happy and chipper 2-year old boy swinging his diaper over his head as he bounced up and down.  And then I felt the wet.  He had peed all over the bed.  Nice.  Very nice.

After a not-so-restful night, I got up and was ready for round two!  I was ahead of schedule and ready to put some stuff into our van.  But it was locked, and the keys were locked inside.  Luke then told me the whole horrific sequence of events.  He took the keys, unlocked the car, our dogs went inside and pushed the lock button on the keys, and they all got out and shut the door.  Right!  Anyway, Kristen has the spare set of keys in Arizona. 

And no time to waste.  She for the last couple of days, we have been driving around in our Jeep – Wrangler.  The four kids and I fit snuggly.  It was really interesting when we had one of Luke’s friends over for the evening.  Six of us pushed it.  We’re excited to go pick Kristen up at the airport and show her how well we fit inside.  (Yes, I thought of getting another key made.  But the registration, insurance card, and other things that they want are in the van. Of course.  So, it just seemed easier to wait.  If we didn’t, there’d be a whole new entry about our adventures at the dealership – I guarantee it.)

Home Stretch

The week started somewhat regimented.  I had the kids get their clothes out the night before, homework gathered, papers signed, etc.  As I write this, I have no idea whether the boys have underwear on – and socks – please, we are all wearing sandals so it had better stay nice.  I still make them brush their teeth, but if Kristen wasn’t coming home tomorrow, I’m not sure how long that would last.

And I think that I was appreciative before, but this week has made me appreciate so much more how Kristen and I are a parenting team.  We can hardly wait to celebrate a “mother” of a week with Mother’s Day this Sunday.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms and moms-to-be!  Cherish your time with your kids, your parenting teammate, and with yourself!

For more inspiring stories about Henry, buy Three Candles today.  Available online via Amazon or at www.threecandlesbook.com.  Proceeds to benefit Henry’s Hope at www.henryshope.org.  

Henry’s Walk for Hope: A Humbling Experience

By Troy Foster

The Warm Up

Last Saturday was the day.  Much work and planning had gone into getting the event together.  Dozens of people were working feverishly behind the scenes to pull it together.  And dozens and dozens more had committed to walk for Henry’s Hope – to help bring awareness and raise money for children suffering with chronic, life-threatening, or terminal diseases.

For his part, Henry was geared up too.  The week leading up to the walk, he asked me what happened that day to advance the walk.  It was a familiar feeling – I’ve had many a boss request daily updates on my progress.  They weren’t 4 ½, but probably not as effective as Henry either.

More important to Henry though were two things.  First, and it almost goes without saying, he was going to “win” the race.  In the days leading up to the walk, he asked many folks we’d encounter whether they thought they were going to win – just to make sure they knew where they stood.  Second, Henry wanted the walk to be BIG – “the more people that come, the more kids we can help, right?”  And he kept asking, “it’s going to be big, right Daddy?”  (As an aside, Henry wants everything to be big – me, his mom, etc.  He has it that anything that is great is BIG; in this case, he was right on for the walk.)

The Steps Not Taken

Saturday morning, Henry woke up bright eyed and more quickly than usual.  “Today is the walk,” he said the first part sounding like a question, but as he finished the phrase it was clearly an exclamatory statement.  All of us were fast in getting ready and loaded the car like a fine-oiled machine – and with four kids (oldest 7) and two tired parents – that is saying something. 

As we opened the garage, I reminded Henry about the rain.  We had known that the forecast called for rain that morning, and thought we would have back up plans made.  So the rain wasn’t really a damper.  “That’s ok, Daddy.  They can’t cancel it.  It’s my walk.  Only I can cancel it right Mommy?”  We agreed.

But, as we drove, the heavy drops fell more quickly.  The dark sky was ominous, and we could see no break in the clouds.  For once, it appeared, the forecast was right on. 

And unfortunately, there was not an indoor alternative.  So, after much effort, thought, preparation, and anticipation – and so much work by many – the walk was canceled.  Henry was devastated.  Heck, so was I. 

And as a parent, when you see this face, it is heartbreaking.  Even more so when it’s not for being told that he didn’t get a toy or didn’t get to go to the movies.  But this face was a result of not being able to walk for hope.  That, in itself, was a huge lesson for me.

And, I got mad.  Anger is not my thing.  Never have liked it (on the receiving end) and not comfortable being it.  Seems so counterproductive and unnecessary.  But the face is my excuse.  My anger solved nothing, and it never does.

The Finish Line

Even with the event canceled, Henry was able to serve as a great teacher before we left.  Not 10 minutes after his heartbroken face (above), Henry was on to other things.  He asked Kristen to send a text to those that worked hard on the event – it to say “Let’s schedule this for another day.  A sunny one.  Don’t worry, dawg.”  No idea where he got the dawg thing or really what it means.

And he saw his friends.  Though against our better judgment (he had a little cough and it was raining), we let Henry run out and talk to everyone that were going through the motions of wrapping the non-event up.  And then, as quickly as it came, his disappointment faded.

He was laughing with the Ransburgs, chasing his good friend (Chad) and holding Bailey.  Also excited to see both “his Steve” (Enochs) and “Mr. Steve” (Harding) – both of whom he adores.  He was racing Korey down the track, and giggled as Korey “fell” in exhaustion – but was quick to help Korey up.  He chased Brian (who was the only person that seriously wanted to beat Henry it seemed) and his family – giggling, smiling – being a kid.

He was done pouting.  Done being upset.  Done with the face that, though we don’t see it often, brings deep pain to our hearts.  He had moved on – much more quickly than most adults do in their disappointments and much more quickly than I had in this one in particular.  Henry had embraced what he had that day – time to see, play with, entertain and be entertained by – his friends and people that care about him.  (By the way, those of you that know Henry, know that he doesn’t have age – or really any other – barrier.  He considers Steve Enochs one of his best friends – maybe he and Chad are tied right now.  And he has no fear of “tall adult Korey that is my friend.”  I asked “you mean my friend?” to which he replied “Ok, you can be friends with him too.”  I love that about him too.)

It reminded me of a promise that I made.  That I, too, would embrace what the day brings – enjoy those around me and cherish each moment.  Not take anything – any memory with those I love – for granted.  Even days, and maybe especially those, that don’t go as planned.  Yes, it was rainy, cold, dark, and utterly unfit for what we were to do that day.  But, as Henry’s reminder made clear – the fact that we got to see, hang out with, and enjoy our time with people that are important in our lives – it was a great day.

For more uplifting stories and adventures of Henry, get Three Candles at www.threecandlesbook.com.  Proceeds benefit Henry’s Hope.

***If you are interested in joining us for our rescheduled walk (TBD), please shoot us an email at hope@henryshope.org.