"Super Parents" Need to Give Us Normal Parents a Rest

by Troy Foster

I love Christmas.  It's my favorite holiday for a lot of reasons.  Having four young kids makes the holiday and the lead-up extra special.  The magic of Santa, his reindeer, the trip down the chimney, and the story behind it all provides so much hype and buildup.  It's impossible to replicate the pure excitement and happiness on the kids' faces.  And, I love it.

But, I can't stand the "Super Parents."  Every year, there is something new and different about Santa that throws me a curve.  This year, my son's friends (many - not just one with parents that have nothing to do) got calls from Santa.  Seriously?  I barely get the phone when it rings, tripping over the kids' toys all along the way.  So the kids are satisfied in blaming me for missing St. Nick's call.  And, they are not happy.

Santa is apparently on a new health kick too.  My son's classmates are talking about giving Santa snacks that will help his energy level for the long trip and not junk food.  No cookies and milk?  Ok super health conscious parents, I am not killing Santa with the cookies.  Come on; we all know Santa isn't going to die from those cookies.  And, I'd appreciate you teaching your kids healthy eating on your own time.

And the reindeer now are hungry too?  We have to make special and magical oat mixtures for them?  I can barely get the kids' breakfast in them, get their faces washed and out the door.  Now, I'm making reindeer energy oats?  So they can poop on my roof?  No, we have plenty of poop in our house that I'm cleaning up.  The reindeer that our Santa uses have super duper energy and no oatmeal with glitter is necessary.  (And is glitter really healthy?)

Now, there's the Elf on the Shelf.  You know, the little Elf that watches the kids and reports how they're doing back to Santa?  Though he looks extremely creepy, we welcomed our Shelf Elf, Finn, with open arms - because pointing to him usually scares the beJesus out of the kids and misconduct becomes a rarity.  Heck, I was good with keeping Finn around for the entire year.  That was until the Super Parents decided to make him do stuff.  Now, I can deal with having him move from one shelf to the next each night.  Just barely though; and on the nights that we forget, the kids have bought the excuses (weather, he liked the spot, etc.).  But I keep hearing about other kids' elves doing all this crazy stuff.  Some go into the freezer because they miss the North Pole.  Some mischievous elves make huge messes in the middle of the night.  Some leave cute little videos of themselves walking around the house.  My son keeps emailing it to me.  There's even a website that lists the top 101 things that you can have the elf do.

Beyond ridiculous.  I don't have the time to make a huge freaking mess (when I'm supposed to be sleeping - and I need it by the way), pretend that it's cute first thing in the morning before my Diet Coke (which is necessary prior to any decent communication), and pick it up as I'm getting the kids ready.  Much less time to produce and post a movie of the doll walking around the house.  Finn don't play that way.  And a note to the Super Parents:  knock it off.  We need our rest.

More importantly, the kids don't need the extra.  It's plenty magical - even more so - when it's mysterious - without healthy Santa, the need for energy oats, calls from Santa, or Shelf Elf's gimmicks.  So please, Super Parents, give it a rest.  So we all can get some.