By Troy Foster
It’s really too bad that I’m talking about the Republican debate last night, but you can’t make this stuff up. I don’t normally write about politics because I worked in D.C. for a staunchly conservative Republican (whom I adored) and have been in that arena; for the most part, I find it unnecessarily divisive, uncivil, and attracts mean-spirited people – some of whom are woefully under-qualified. So, there’s nothing funny in that. And my wife, who is none of those things, is called to this service – so, I avoid it like the plague normally.
But, I just can’t after last night. To get there, I also have to publicly admit that I love reality TV. Almost all of it. Seeing grown adults (well people over 18) act like raving lunatics is something that I just can’t tear my eyes away from. I know, I know. I’m sure this says something very deep about me, but let’s suffice it to say that I’m addicted to them. That show, Intervention (a long-time favorite), should probably have an episode on me. Anyway, I’ve confessed.
Last night’s debate was much better than any single episode of The Real Housewives (except for maybe the one where Atlanta’s Nene actually pulled the extensions out of Kim’s head), Flipping Out (that dude is crazy), or Celebrity Apprentice (save the Omarosa and Piers Morgan fights).
Quick recap of the train wreck that is our GOP field (and mind you, I’m a life-long registered Republican):
· Newt has pledged to build a colony on the moon. And last night, he said that he wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to statehood. Now, don’t get me wrong, my kids love this idea (but the oldest is 7). And even my daughter commented that it seemed silly to promise “moon hood” just to become the President. Newt is a little looney, or lunie. But, he’s not the only one.
· Mitt has secret Swiss bank accounts that he discovered last week when asked. I believe him and understand the blind trust, blah, blah. But, he talks about it like everyone has this problem. Most of us haven’t been to Switzerland let alone have enough money that we have to hire a secret dude to go invest it there. I’m sure Mitt doesn’t, but I still look at the price of gas every day – need it or not. And the kids and I cheer when it drops. Reminds me of when Sonja (New York Housewife) was crying poor and then had a $30,000 costume party.
· Then Rick Santorum – who was pretty boring for reality TV purposes almost all night – did not let me down in the end. He laughed at Gingrich’s and Romney’s falling for the hoax that is global warming. Not you too, Rick. I was rooting for you; love your wife and 7 kids; my heart breaks for little Gabriel and your daughter; loved your tribute to your wife and your mother; thought it kicked butt when you told Newt and Mitt to grow up; even like that you’re genuinely conservative. Then, you had to say global warming is a hoax. Bam! I’m no scientist (and know Rick isn’t either), and unlike Rick, I don’t pretend to play one on TV. That said, having lived in Phoenix for a decade, I can tell you something is going on. Now living in the Midwest where it has still not snowed, have to say that I’m going to listen to the scientists and all their crazy talk.
The only person that appeared somewhat normal last night was Ron Paul. I can’t believe that I just wrote that. He was funny, sharp, challenged the others to a run (and I know he could kick their butts – no question), and he was coherent.
Crazy, right? When the other people sound so crazy that they make Ron Paul look good. Kind of like when Danielle on Real Housewives of New Jersey (who is a complete psycho but I’m putting it parens to downplay because I think she’s also connected to the mob and dangerous) seemed normal compared to Teresa (flip a table) G. Or like when Jeff of Flipping Out looks reasonable when Jenny (his generally rational assistant) takes a crazy pill. Or when Kelly (that super crazy old model from New York Housewives) appears sane when Ramona and Jill freak out. It’s all nuts, but worth the price of admission.
The sad part is that this reality TV show will affect us. So, does this mean that I’ll vote for Ron Paul. Are you crazy? Just because he seemed normal last night doesn’t mean he is. Do you really think Danielle, Jeff, or Kelly are really sane? No, definitely not. Does it mean that I’m going to vote for President Obama? Not necessarily.
All it means is that I view this election like one of my other favorite reality shows – Survivor. Everyone is going to do whatever they can – underhanded, over the top, over promise, under deliver, make alliances that they break, and do things that they end up regretting – to win. Sad, but true. Then, on election night, when the votes are tallied – I’ll have a lukewarm reaction to whoever wins. Just like I do on Survivor. I just hope that the winner’s Presidency doesn’t become too much like my favorite shows.
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