This story is not for the weak at heart, and explains why I am so lucky to have met and married my wife. And, it’s about ticks.
Before we got married, I had an awesome Great Dane, named Cooper. Cooper was a dream dog. After a lot of training classes and time and attention, he was well behaved. He was loving and peaceful too. So, when I found out that he had ticks, it was really upsetting. They had burrowed their way into his paws. Made me sad; so, I quickly got him taken care of.
A few days later, I realized that ticks are not easily disposed of. I saw some crawling up the wall – full of blood. It was disgusting, to say the very least. So, I “bombed” the house. Cooper was in the clear. Two days later, however, I saw one, then two, then ten, then 20 – creepy crawly baby ticks on Cooper’s bed. He had so much repellent on him. He was safe. But, I needed these blood-suckers gone. Bomb number two seemed to do the trick.
After this craziness, Kristen and I continued our romantic dates. She can tell you how romantic I am. And, it plays out in this story too, if you don’t believe either of us. Seriously, we had gotten close quickly, and I had fallen in love. No doubt in my mind. So, what was to come was extremely mortifying.
For weeks, I had noticed a weird rash on my chest and stomach. I kept asking Kristen to look at it (sexy huh), and she refused. The odd thing to me was that it wasn’t on the surface, and the bumps kept getting bigger. I waited a few weeks, and it didn’t go away. So, I went to the doctor.
He looked, and asked me if I had any parasites in the house. What? Why would I? Oh yeah, well Cooper had ticks, I told him. What he then explained to me has forever been etched on my brain. He said that the tiny ticks will burrow in hair follicles – into your body. Where there is plenty of blood. Gorge themselves, and then they’re stuck. With that, he stuck a needle in my chest and drained a couple of these fat ticks. I almost threw up – just like you did in your mouth just now.
At the end of my visit, the doctor gave me a prescription of what turned out to be napalm for your body. He told me to rub it all over my body – and anyone who had been in the house for an extended period of time.
Enter Kristen. I invited her to lunch (romantic), gave her the scoop, and asked her if she could pick up the napalm. When she told her sister, she was accused of being naïve – right like I had that weird kind of chest STD.
When we got home, I liberally applied the chemical and left it on all night. And I applied it more liberally in the area that any guy wouldn’t want ticks crawling. After my skin started to peel, I went back to the doctor. He treated my chemical burns (2nd or 3rd degree – doesn’t matter), and I had to treat it for months to come.
Though I had already decided to ask Kristen to marry me, I knew then and there that no one else would put up with me, laugh with (and at) me – like Kristen. Even when she gets ticked off!
