Oh No He Didn't

By Troy Foster

A few nights ago, I was putting on the fashionable mask for my CPAP machine - because of my sleep apnea.  (Which, by the way, despite the doctor's comments to the contrary, I'm pretty sure that if I can control my eating, I won't need this.)  As the air started to whisk quickly into my face, I smelled a faint scent of root beer.  Ridiculous; it couldn't be.

Just as I was thinking what an awesome invention having scents and flavors for CPAP machines (especially because I'm sure a lot of other folks that love their food have these masks), the root beer was no longer vapor.  Root beer had traveled through the hose and splashed on my face, up my nose and in my mouth.

After a little investigation, I discovered that our almost 2-year old had taken an open root beer can and dumped it into the humidifier compartment on the CPAP.  Perfect.  He's such a nut, but you can't help but smile.  Same kid that decided he had to disrobe at Steak N Shake tonight.

Still thinking about the market for the flavor/scented CPAP.  Hmmm.

My Newt Gingrich Story Involves Sweat - Not What it Sounds Like

Sweatin’ on The Speaker

by Troy Foster

Of the House, that is.  Many moons ago, I worked for a Congressman on the Hill.  When the House Republicans signed their “Contract with America,” it was a big buzz in Washington.  So, I decided to get my picture taken with the newly elected Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich.  Signed up for a time and everything.  Then, so unlike me, I got lost in work and realized that I was late.  Late for the Speaker.

So, I booked it.  Me and running don’t go together – so, it was probably a sight.  I had to run two buildings over.  Only problem – it was hot and humid.  When I start sweating, I can’t stop.  So, I arrived, fully drenched.  The good news is that he wasn’t on time.  I stood and waited by these red, expensive looking curtains.  Realizing that I couldn’t wipe my sweat on my suit (without it being in the picture), I quickly wiped my head on the Speaker’s curtains.  Very absorbent.  I helped pay for them, right?  And it’s only sweat.


Got the picture!  Still looked sweaty.  Speaker Gingrich signed the picture, "Your friend, Newt."  I know that's his form, but it made me feel like my sweat incident wasn't an issue.  So in this close primary race, I have to say, that's a factor.  Not decisive, but who wouldn't want a friend that forgives (or overlooks) your social trespasses in the White House.



Next issue we'll cover how I accidentally borrowed THE Marshall Papers - and not on purpose.